Squid Pro Quo

Big Daddy Love

2007-11-28T00:53:00.000-08:00

It has been quite some time since I last posted. Needless to say, I've been rather busy and I rarely have enough time to just sit down and spend an hour or so writing. I've got a part-time job, I'm going to school, and I've got a social life to maintain. Not that it's very active since half of that alloted time I give away to gaming.

Beginning of September, my boyfriend and I purchased an Xbox 360 in anticipation of Halo 3. Take note: we are equal owners in this. My boyfriend probably won't admit it, but I think I'm the one who got him into serious gaming...although, he is now better than me at most fps'. Sometimes he just blows me away.

Halo 3. What can I say? Most people have already made up their minds about this latest and final instalment in the Halo series. Although I had to get up at 6 the following morning, we attended EB Games' midnight launch "party". Yeah, no. Not a launch "party" but a launch lineup. Sweet. We had a spectacular time standing in line, in the cold and drizzling rain, listening to a bunch of over-excited pubescents comparing cock-size with their Xbox Live prowess. More than half the consumers in the lineup were underage and were accompanied by a parent. Awkward? Uh, yeah.

When we finally arrived at the counter, I was exhausted, it was 1:15 AM and I was trembling. From anticipation? From being over-tired? Perhaps a combination of the two, but as a rather feeble joke, I told the kid behind the counter that we were here to pick up our pre-ordered copy of Viva Piñata. They guffawed appreciatively. We got our free poster, tshirt, and magnet, and drove home.

Didn't actually open it until the following evening after we'd gotten off work. Still, I can say I owned Halo 3 before most of my friends and before most of you n00bs.

We beat the co-op campaign on "Normal" in about 10 hours. Not our best performance since we both hadn't played in a while. "Normal" mode is the "Easy" mode from Halo 2 and it really wasn't very hard. It was just difficult finding the time to dedicate to it. I'm now into solo campaign mode on Legendary and it's taking me considerably more time. Yes, I'm not afraid to admit it, I'm having a hard time with Legendary. I had a hard time with it in Halo 2, but hell, I did it on my own and co-op mode (which is harder, imho, because every death by either player was a re-spawn from the last checkpoint and you couldn't save in the middle of levels).

We bought Perfect Dark Zero. HUGE disappointment. What the fuck was RARE thinking? I went to GameDeals in New West and picked up the Perfect Dark for N64. I must say, if the N64 version beats the 360 version in gameplay, you need to hire some new designers. Perfect Dark was the first game I had played were I could dual-wield. I used to play multi-player for hours...by myself. Ah, the beauty of those bots with personalities.

Forza 2 is pretty rad. It came with the 360. I personally loved Forza and Forza 2 is just more of a good thing. Great graphics, better cars, overall, good racing game. I like my racing games realistic where I could race a VW Golf if I wanted to. Don't get me wrong, Burnout is pretty darn exciting, but I really enjoy the finesse of Forza. I don't get to play it much since the 360 is at my boyfriend's place for the next 6 months (it's our rule).

Rented Bioshock. Uh. Google it. Read the reviews. It is deservedly getting those great reviews and is pretty much Game of the Year. My problem is, I don't do well with the whole "fear" thing and can only really handle playing for about and hour until an ulcer develops from all the stress...I'm going to wrap you in a sheet. Hot damn, I love those Big Daddies. Splicers are the scary shit, Big Daddies rock my socks.

I really like Viva Piñata and I'm thinking of picking it up used. Could be a fun "sim" game to go back to from time to time. Plus, has anyone watched the cartoon? Holy shit, it's freaking hilarious.

Most anticipated games for me right now: Assassin's Creed and Mass Effect. Since I don't have the most money to spare, I'm going to rent them before deciding on purchasing them. I'm fairly sure Assassin's Creed will be a staple for any 360 owner, but one can never be too sure.

All right. Signing out for now since my eyes are all crusty from staying up too late...still playing Halo 2 on XBC. Still pwning. Damn, if you ever meet me on Foundation during Swat, run the other way my friend, run the other way. ;)

Upgrade to Gaming Blog?

2007-07-28T09:23:00.001-07:00

I'm contemplating revamping this blog and making it more game-related and with far better grammar than before.

If I want to be a writer, I had bloody well start practising! I'm going to test that out, by making this post completely videogame related.

First, "video game" should be a compound word. Spellcheck refuses to recognize it and I'm getting a lot of those hideous little red lines beneath it every time I type. Why isn't it a compound word? It simply makes more sense to write "videogame" as opposed to "video game". Videogames have become far more of their own identity than board games ever could, must we really designate the game as being video? Can't it just be 1 word? My thumb doesn't like tapping the space bar more than it needs to.

I collected my "old" PS1 from my brother's apartment last weekend. Apparently, he's lost the AV cable for it and he can't seem to locate FF7, the single greatest RPG of all time. I'd just watched Final Fantasty 7: Advent Children the other day and I have a great urge to play it. I usually combo Cloud with Cid and Vincent but I'm really in the mood to change it up. Maybe Cloud with Cait Sith and Barret. I hardly ever play with Barret as he annoys the hell out of me. That dude shouts too much.

Here's the list of Playstation games I have recovered:

Numerous Official U.S. Playstation Magazine demo discs from between October 1998 - November 1999.
Final Fantasy VIII
Wild Arms
Syphon Filter
Driver 2
The Legend of Dragoon
Metal Gear Solid
NHL 99

I know that I am missing Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 2, Final Fantasy VII, and many many demo discs from PSM. Where they could have gone? I can only wonder. Perhaps the abyss that was my brother's room? This makes me incredibly sad as these are precious memories from my childhood that I had hoped to recreate.

I remember playing the Spyro the Dragon demo for hours on end. The first one, before anything else came out. Nothing makes you feel old like knowing that Sony is on the 12th re-incarnation of that game.

Or playing the demo for Silent Hill, back when Resident Evil 2 was rather new and thinking,
"This is a tad more frightening than RE...Holy crap, weird ass naked babies with knives!? No thank you!"
*click*

The consoles I have owned/still own. This is a list that will hopefully allow me to recognize how seriously behind I am:

NES
SNES
Playstation and PS1
N64
Gameboy Advance
Xbox

Yes, I have not owned anything recent since the Xbox. I was extremely disappointed in Sony for doing the whole "the Playstation isn't good enough, you (the consumer), MUST UPGRADE." Screw you, I will not.

Alas, now I wish I had. So many amazing games have been released for PS2 and PS3. I refuse to believe, however, that the Gamecube and Dreamcast are anything but the Sega Genesis of their time.

All right. So above, was my attempt at creating a gaming blog-type post.

Vodka!

2007-06-07T23:42:00.000-07:00

Enjoying a wonderful homemade cooler of pink lemonade, Fresca, and vodka!

Oh how I missed you, Liquor!

Doing stuff. Don't have a lot of drive to actually post here. Erm. I'm hella good at Halo 2? I play online far too much and now, rock the casbah.

Chau mis amigos que son muy preciosos!

Dracula

2007-03-23T00:29:00.000-07:00

Bet you can't guess what I saw tonight! All right, you caught me, it was Royal Winnipeg Ballet's production of Dracula at the Queen E. Wow. It was amazing. I adored it.

I danced as a child and have truly regretted giving it up. I never regretted it more than tonight.

First, the costumes were phenomenal. Lucy's nightdress (pictured above) was my personal favourite. It was made of such floaty material that positively floated around the dancer's body. It was sensational! (Sidenote, I want my wedding dress made out of that stuff!!).

Second, the music was so dramatic but romantic. I believe it was all Gustav Mahler selections. It didn't overshadow the dancing but it didn't fade into the background either. I was very pleased. (Note to self, buy some Mahler!)

And of course, the dancing itself was a pleasure to watch. If I had to choose, Lucy and Dracula were my favourites. Although, Quincy Morris is a close second. Lucy had the entire first act devoted to her and I was not bored once. She moved so fluidly and the nightdress, as I said before, was such a wonderful compliment to her movements. At one point I thought as though everything began in slow-motion, but it was just this one perfect sequence that she pulled off really well. (Gah, I miss ballet so much!)

I think I was born in the wrong era to tell you the truth. There are so many things that I value that coincide with the late 19th century. Sometimes I think I'd be more comfortable then than now. But alas, a girl can only dream.

There are so many things I regret not doing when I was younger. Quitting ballet was one, but also walking away from Ringette, one of the only sports I was genuinely very good at. It just seems to me to be so tragic and sad. I'm the only person I can blame for not continuing. I only wish I could have seen like I do now.

Back on topic, overall, tonight has been very entertaining. Is it too late to rejoin a dance studio? I'm only 20...and overweight. Does that mean I can't? Is it too late? *tragic hands*

The Infamous EA Spouse Blog

2007-03-21T15:17:00.000-07:00

For Business 100 I get to do a very thorough business report on a company of my choosing. Trying to think of a company, I naturally begin playing The Sims 2. Voila! EA Games "Challenge Everything!" flashed onto the screen almost ethereally. So my group is doing Electronic Arts Inc for our project. At first it was fascinating, but this quickly turned to horror as I realized how many EA Games I actually own and how much I'm feeding this callous giant that swallows small video game developers like french fries! I'm redistributing the EA Spouse article because a) I can and b) I think more people should understand how corporations should act and shouldn't act. It is NOT OK. (I could go on about how this sounds eerily like Stream, but I will refrain).

***I DID NOT WRITE THIS. I AM JUST REDISTRIBUTING IT.***

EA: The Human Story
My significant other works for Electronic Arts, and I'm what you might call a disgruntled spouse.

EA's bright and shiny new corporate trademark is "Challenge Everything." Where this applies is not exactly clear. Churning out one licensed football game after another doesn't sound like challenging much of anything to me; it sounds like a money farm. To any EA executive that happens to read this, I have a good challenge for you: how about safe and sane labor practices for the people on whose backs you walk for your millions?

I am retaining some anonymity here because I have no illusions about what the consequences would be for my family if I was explicit. However, I also feel no impetus to shy away from sharing our story, because I know that it is too common to stick out among those of the thousands of engineers, artists, and designers that EA employs.

Our adventures with Electronic Arts began less than a year ago. The small game studio that my partner worked for collapsed as a result of foul play on the part of a big publisher -- another common story. Electronic Arts offered a job, the salary was right and the benefits were good, so my SO took it. I remember that they asked him in one of the interviews: "how do you feel about working long hours?" It's just a part of the game industry -- few studios can avoid a crunch as deadlines loom, so we thought nothing of it. When asked for specifics about what "working long hours" meant, the interviewers coughed and glossed on to the next question; now we know why.

Within weeks production had accelerated into a 'mild' crunch: eight hours six days a week. Not bad. Months remained until any real crunch would start, and the team was told that this "pre-crunch" was to prevent a big crunch toward the end; at this point any other need for a crunch seemed unlikely, as the project was dead on schedule. I don't know how many of the developers bought EA's explanation for the extended hours; we were new and naive so we did. The producers even set a deadline; they gave a specific date for the end of the crunch, which was still months away from the title's shipping date, so it seemed safe. That date came and went. And went, and went. When the next news came it was not about a reprieve; it was another acceleration: twelve hours six days a week, 9am to 10pm.

Weeks passed. Again the producers had given a termination date on this crunch that again they failed. Throughout this period the project remained on schedule. The long hours started to take its toll on the team; people grew irritable and some started to get ill. People dropped out in droves for a couple of days at a time, but then the team seemed to reach equilibrium again and they plowed ahead. The managers stopped even talking about a day when the hours would go back to normal.

Now, it seems, is the "real" crunch, the one that the producers of this title so wisely prepared their team for by running them into the ground ahead of time. The current mandatory hours are 9am to 10pm -- seven days a week -- with the occasional Saturday evening off for good behavior (at 6:30pm). This averages out to an eighty-five hour work week. Complaints that these once more extended hours combined with the team's existing fatigue would result in a greater number of mistakes made and an even greater amount of wasted energy were ignored.

The stress is taking its toll. After a certain number of hours spent working the eyes start to lose focus; after a certain number of weeks with only one day off fatigue starts to accrue and accumulate exponentially. There is a reason why there are two days in a weekend -- bad things happen to one's physical, emotional, and mental health if these days are cut short. The team is rapidly beginning to introduce as many flaws as they are removing.

And the kicker: for the honor of this treatment EA salaried employees receive a) no overtime; b) no compensation time! ('comp' time is the equalization of time off for overtime -- any hours spent during a crunch accrue into days off after the product has shipped); c) no additional sick or vacation leave. The time just goes away. Additionally, EA recently announced that, although in the past they have offered essentially a type of comp time in the form of a few weeks off at the end of a project, they no longer wish to do this, and employees shouldn't expect it. Further, since the production of various games is scattered, there was a concern on the part of the employees that developers would leave one crunch only to join another. EA's response was that they would attempt to minimize this, but would make no guarantees. This is unthinkable; they are pushing the team to individual physical health limits, and literally giving them nothing for it. Comp time is a staple in this industry, but EA as a corporation wishes to "minimize" this reprieve. One would think that the proper way to minimize comp time is to avoid crunch, but this brutal crunch has been on for months, and nary a whisper about any compensation leave, nor indeed of any end of this treatment.

This crunch also differs from crunch time in a smaller studio in that it was not an emergency effort to save a project from failure. Every step of the way, the project remained on schedule. Crunching neither accelerated this nor slowed it down; its effect on the actual product was not measurable. The extended hours were deliberate and planned; the management knew what they were doing as they did it. The love of my life comes home late at night complaining of a headache that will not go away and a chronically upset stomach, and my happy supportive smile is running out.

No one works in the game industry unless they love what they do. No one on that team is interested in producing an inferior product. My heart bleeds for this team precisely BECAUSE they are brilliant, talented individuals out to create something great. They are and were more than willing to work hard for the success of the title. But that good will has only been met with abuse. Amazingly, Electronic Arts was listed #91 on Fortune magazine's "100 Best Companies to Work For" in 2003.

EA's attitude toward this -- which is actually a part of company policy, it now appears -- has been (in an anonymous quotation that I've heard repeated by multiple managers), "If they don't like it, they can work someplace else." Put up or shut up and leave: this is the core of EA's Human Resources policy. The concept of ethics or compassion or even intelligence with regard to getting the most out of one's workforce never enters the equation: if they don't want to sacrifice their lives and their health and their talent so that a multibillion dollar corporation can continue its Godzilla-stomp through the game industry, they can work someplace else.

But can they?

The EA Mambo, paired with other giants such as Vivendi, Sony, and Microsoft, is rapidly either crushing or absorbing the vast majority of the business in game development. A few standalone studios that made their fortunes in previous eras -- Blizzard, Bioware, and Id come to mind -- manage to still survive, but 2004 saw the collapse of dozens of small game studios, no longer able to acquire contracts in the face of rapid and massive consolidation of game publishing companies. This is an epidemic hardly unfamiliar to anyone working in the industry. Though, of course, it is always the option of talent to go outside the industry, perhaps venturing into the booming commercial software development arena. (Read my tired attempt at sarcasm.)

To put some of this in perspective, I myself consider some figures. If EA truly believes that it needs to push its employees this hard -- I actually believe that they don't, and that it is a skewed operations perspective alone that results in the severity of their crunching, coupled with a certain expected amount of the inefficiency involved in running an enterprise as large as theirs -- the solution therefore should be to hire more engineers, or artists, or designers, as the case may be. Never should it be an option to punish one's workforce with ninety hour weeks; in any other industry the company in question would find itself sued out of business so fast its stock wouldn't even have time to tank. In its first weekend, Madden 2005 grossed $65 million. EA's annual revenue is approximately $2.5 billion. This company is not strapped for cash; their labor practices are inexcusable.

The interesting thing about this is an assumption that most of the employees seem to be operating under. Whenever the subject of hours come up, inevitably, it seems, someone mentions 'exemption'. They refer to a California law that supposedly exempts businesses from having to pay overtime to certain 'specialty' employees, including software programmers. This is Senate Bill 88. However, Senate Bill 88 specifically does not apply to the entertainment industry -- television, motion picture, and theater industries are specifically mentioned. Further, even in software, there is a pay minimum on the exemption: those exempt must be paid at least $90,000 annually. I can assure you that the majority of EA employees are in fact not in this pay bracket; ergo, these practices are not only unethical, they are illegal.

I look at our situation and I ask 'us': why do you stay? And the answer is that in all likelihood we won't; and in all likelihood if we had known that this would be the result of working for EA, we would have stayed far away in the first place. But all along the way there were deceptions, there were promises, there were assurances -- there was a big fancy office building with an expensive fish tank -- all of which in the end look like an elaborate scheme to keep a crop of employees on the project just long enough to get it shipped. And then if they need to, they hire in a new batch, fresh and ready to hear more promises that will not be kept; EA's turnover rate in engineering is approximately 50%. This is how EA works. So now we know, now we can move on, right? That seems to be what happens to everyone else. But it's not enough. Because in the end, regardless of what happens with our particular situation, this kind of "business" isn't right, and people need to know about it, which is why I write this today.

If I could get EA CEO Larry Probst on the phone, there are a few things I would ask him. "What's your salary?" would be merely a point of curiosity. The main thing I want to know is, Larry: you do realize what you're doing to your people, right? And you do realize that they ARE people, with physical limits, emotional lives, and families, right? Voices and talents and senses of humor and all that? That when you keep our husbands and wives and children in the office for ninety hours a week, sending them home exhausted and numb and frustrated with their lives, it's not just them you're hurting, but everyone around them, everyone who loves them? When you make your profit calculations and your cost analyses, you know that a great measure of that cost is being paid in raw human dignity, right?

Right?

-Anonymous, The EA Spouse
===

This article is offered under the Creative Commons deed. Please feel free to redistribute/link.

P to the Athetic

2007-03-13T22:30:00.000-07:00

Trying to decide what to do with school. UCFV is pathetically unchallenging. I read through my old English Lit notes and was more challenged and intrigued by them than anything I've done in college.

What is up with that?! Everyone keeps saying that college is hard and in school they terrified us with tales of hideous papers and horrible profs.

I was looking forward to that.

But no. I am disappointed.

Anyway, I've been trolling the internet for universities with Creative Writing programs. It's been disappointing as well.

Bwah. *moooooooody*

PHOTO: Flowers in Parque Urawa. I did not take this with my camera.

Take the coal, touch my lips, here I am.

2007-02-02T00:25:00.000-08:00

Haven't posted properly in a bit, so I figured I'd allow myself a nice little update on what is happening in my life! It's fascinating, isn't it?

I dropped COMP 150 because Javascript is freaking unbelievably difficult. Anyone that tells you different is...a jerk.

I have a research report due in BUS 100 that must be written in standard business report format...and I have no idea how to do that. That's due Tuesday. I also must go through and edit/critique four short stories for my creative writing class. Spanish, I have to type up 5 pages of questions and answers before Wednesday and attempt to complete one unit in my online testing. Finally, I must read and do an online quiz for Chapter 6 in my Business textbook.

Oh man! Being a student ROCKS! :)

I've been dying to go out and take some piccies, but I have no funds to do so. Yes, I am finally broke. To add to my stress of homework, driving Ryan around, and being a good daughter by keeping the house clean, I have to deal with the wonderful guilt of being unemployed. I hope to find a job in summer when I've left school. I'm actually hoping that the one I left last summer will be available to me. 12 hours a day, 5 days a week, I think I'll make good money...however...I will NEVER see Ryan during the week. So it's money or Ryan...:'(

Happier subjects...well...I'm reading jPod by Douglas Coupland and have been severely bitten by the travel bug. So I'm reading a lot of travel books. I desperately want to go traveling and in the "backpacking" sense rather than the "resort" sense.

Fortunately, a carrot that my mom and I have dangled in front of ourselves is a trip somewhere important to do something important the summer after this coming one. I'd rather not say where or what we'll be doing because telling too many people really takes away how very special it is. And if we don't go through with it, I could possibly come off as a failure, and I really don't want that. So the less people that know right now, the better it is. Needless to say, it's pretty darn awesome and will satisfy that travel bug for at least 6 weeks or so.

Also, to tie in my subject line and make this post slightly coherent, I finally burned Kutless' worship cd Strong Tower. Take Me In is the most amazing song.

PHOTO1: a morning glory on the path around Mill Lake. It's pretty. I took this in autumn around the time I got my new lens and before I got the huge smear that is now on it and I have no money to buy lens cleaner for.

PHOTO2: the same morning and trip around Mill Lake I found some shrubbery that was just covered in cobwebs! It was so odd, I had to take a picture. Unfortunately, artistically it's not the best.

Crying like my eyes are on speed dial.

2007-01-21T20:11:00.000-08:00

Yeah, so it's been a kind of nonsensical week. Went to a semi-crappy concert in the Ridge last Saturday. Big disappointment as 4 of the 6 performers SUCKED.

Ok, so... who says that if you've got a guitar and some soul-hurt that you can automatically be a musician?! FIRST, learn how to play the freaking instrument and SECOND learn how to write! The main problem with these coffeehouse folk posers is they think that linking random sentences together makes them deep and meaningful. Yeah. No. And if they don't make sense to at least 1 of your friends, do not perform them. I don't care if the "bird needs to fly away to find its nest" (wtf?). Learn to WRITE!

The main problem with the performers last Saturday was their complete inability to write anything coherent. I had no idea what they were talking about and they all used metaphors that were either too overused (cliches) or didn't make sense. Argh.

Please, I beg of you. If you have friends who fancy themselves musicians and are the type to just be themselves in front of the mic with an old battered guitar, TELL THEM WHEN THEY SUCK. Or they get inflicted on the rest of the world and it hurts. My brain hurt when I left. I struggle to comprehend their inane emo-babbling.

PHOTO: Moss on a headstone. I thought it looked like a heart. Cooooolios. I was going to upload this to dA but I dunno. What do you think?

Tea Rose

2007-01-08T20:58:00.000-08:00

School has started again. I'm kinda sad to leave my holidays behind. They were filled with many Halo nights and good ole' overeating.

I finally got all my marks in for last semester and it turns out I got straight A's. Two A minuses and one A plus. I'm fairly pleased, although these are all 101's and introductory courses.

This semester that I've just started, I'm taking four courses, but it'll feel like five since I have a lab attached to one of them.

Spanish 102 w/ lab
English 104 - Introduction to Creative Writing
Business 100 - Intro to Business
and Computer Science 150 - Intro to Programming

I'm most excited about my Comp 150 class since last night I spent about an hour and a half fiddling with the coding on my Myspace layout. It was tons o' fun and I'm excited to learn about it in a more structured environment.

I'm sick. It sucks. Or shall I say... estoy enferma y yo no siento muy bien? Ah si!

Anywho...going to watch tv with mom... I'm so tired of life right now. Phooey.

PHOTO: I think I posted this photo a while ago in another post but unphotoshopped. I added a filter to this, obviously, and I quite like this. I took this a while ago...2003? I think. Anyway... Victoria is a nice city.

Me, I'm a Thief!

2006-12-20T10:31:00.000-08:00

I have no money. Boo. But that doesn't matter! I've finished all my Christmas shopping and I finally got to see my BFF Sarah Slean. We're like this *crosses fingers*. Not really, but you know. :)

Amazing show, absolutely amazing. Plus, how much more amazing was it since our tickets were free?! Yes, it was slightly more amazing because of that.

She began with a cover of an 80's song that I really can't remember the name of and she did a cover of Leonard Cohen's I'm Your Man. I'm not a huge fan of his, but her cover was sock-knocking-off worthy. It was that good. She played Madeleine, which I haven't heard in a very very long time. She also played Me and Jerome, which I've never heard. Very cool.

She also did a new song about feeling ostracized in Paris. She's been living there for the past 7 months or so, I think, and she wrote it while she was feeling very alone in a foreign country. It truly spoke to me and Lib, and it was really well written.

She did Pilgrim, Little London Night, Lucky Me, Eliot, Out in the Park, Somebody's Arms, California, and Sweet Ones which Lib and I belted out at the top of our lungs. Sweet Ones was my introduction to Sarah, so it's very special to me.

I bought two of her art prints, one for $5 and the other for $10. Completely worth it in every way. Beautiful work. I got them both signed!

Sarah came out after the show and signed both the prints and my cd jacket from Night Bugs. So fabulous! I met her and I still can't believe it. I mean, I'm normally not a squealy fangirl freak but for Sarah, I am. I think it's because I've admired her for so long and I credit her for my most of my inspiration in my writing that I was very fangirl when I met her.

So obviously, I recommend her to anyone who's reading this. She sounds a lot like Tori Amos, only far less depressing and nicer, in my opinion. I must spread the Sarah word! I recommend, to get a range of what her music is like, Sweet Ones, Playing Cards With Judas, Weight, Eliot, and Duncan.

Out in the Park
Sarah Slean

Don't you know what time it is?
It's the new time
All disciples gathering by the boats
But your revolution is chasing its tail
You love to take the wind out of my sail
But not this time

In between commercial breaks
It's a new war
Men with books have run away to the coast
And the ladies quit callin' them back
And starting plotting the counter attacks
You foolish animals!

She's out in the park conducting the birds
Trying to remember which bicycle's hers
Filling her pockets with handfuls of dirt
It's amazing
Out in the park

For sale: forgetfulness
At a new price
O I saw it advertised on tv
But all the children were busy outside
Building sandcastles skyscraper-high
You foolish animals!

She's out in the park conducting the birds
Trying to remember which bicycle's hers
Filling her pockets with handfuls of dirt
It's amazing
Out in the park

By way of the dark
The summer sun will be ours

Out in the park fight the war!
What are your hearts and your wheelbarrows for?
Lean on me man--I don't keep score
O
Out in the park

[Out in the park conducting the birds]
[Covering France with the trail of her skirt!]
[Singing a sermon to beautiful Earth]
[O]
[Out in the park]

New glasses and wasting time

2006-12-05T12:00:00.000-08:00

I really should be studying for my Spanish, Psych, and English exams, but I got so into uploading some videos to Myspace and putting photos up on dA, MySpace, and Flickr.

I'm also getting new glasses (new lenses and frames) today. Very exciting, although I'm nervous about driving alone with them in the beginning. Depth is weird.

Annnnywho. I've bought Jeremy and Ryan's xmas gifts already and have an idea for my mom and dad, but Daniel, I'm totally lost.

First Sunday of advent has happened! Woot. I like Christmas, mucho. Hopefully, I'll be able to take better Christmas pictures than I did last year (1, 2, 3)

Went to a young adults get together with people from Ryan's Abbotsford church, the Bridge. It was very very awkward in the beginnning, but got fun towards the end. I also got lost driving to this guys house way out in Mission. Totally lost. Also misread a sign that said "obstruction" for "construction". That lead to embarassment.

PHOTO: Ryan took this Thanksgiving '06 at Westminster Abbey. I do realize I look insane, but I also look very very hot, so what can you do?

Sweet silver bells all seem to say throw cares away!

2006-11-30T23:20:00.000-08:00

I had some of my film developed a few days ago and it made me really want to get to work on the rest of my Mexico photos. So, they're all done and up on deviantART. Please do go and check them out. I'd love feedback.

Good news, my final Spanish composition was cancelled due to the weather conditions and I found out I got 97% on my Psych mid term. Happy times!

PHOTO: Self-timer at Westminster Abbey. The hearts I added in Photoshop. ;)

do you know the weight I'm under? When everything revolves around you...

2006-11-26T08:59:00.000-08:00

It's snowing and I threw out my back. Now my back has been messed up for as long as I can remember and I often am in pain because of it but this is definitely the worst it has EVER been. I can hardly walk! Sitting is the worst because my tailbone kind of impacts on my spine, so I'm wincing as I write this.

Anyway, I couldn't sleep last night because I was so wracked with guilt. My car cannot drive in snow and my parents weren't going to let me drive Ryan to Maple Ridge. I only found that out last night so Ryan had to get a ride with his mom and now he's all alone out there playing on the worship team. :(

I can't play in the snow! I can't walk in the snow! I HATE MY BACK.

However, on the brighter side, Lib and I are going to the Sarah Slean concert at the Stanley Theatre on Dec. 18!!!! I am so excited. I've loved Sarah for....a very long time. Since Night Bugs came out about 5 years ago, I think. Anyway, she's lovely and Libby and I don't get to hang out that much. Better yet, I believe the tickets we got were free. w00t.

PHOTO: Sarah Slean cerca Night Bugs debut. So awesome.

2006-11-03T09:43:00.000-08:00

It's true!

< interestingtitle >bwah< /interestingtitle >

2006-11-02T08:07:00.000-08:00

Aight! Yo, fo sho...and...peace out my homies...and....northsiiiieeeeeede! *facepalm*

Bleck, am drinking English Breakfast Tea...nothing beats good ole Orange Pekoe. :( Anyway, try to think of this post without that rather odd outburst. This is where it really starts:

Phew! Long weekend and week, let me tell you. Had a party on Saturday and it was rad taffy. I fell asleep though...heh heh...I'm blaming it on stress and not my callous nature.

Sunday, Jeremy moved back home. Now both my brothers are living here again, one is hopelessly in debt and the other will be moving in with my boyfriend soon, I hope. But holy crap! Both brothers = no internet, food, sleep, or clean house for me! However, I can now steal music off of them and play some LAN games with Jeremy now.

Monday, the power went out at UCFV and my classes were cancelled. Probably not as good as I thought it was since I have to make a Powerpoint presentation for Psych on a chapter I don't understand and with a program I've never used before. Yay for freaking out. >_<

Ah, Tuesday. Halloween = boooooooo. The English department at my school played the original Dawn of the Dead so Lib and I watched it. I love that movie. I found it much better than the new one and I just realized the music for when they're raiding the mall is the same music in the extras on Shaun of the Dead (the alternate comic-y endings). Awesome! 8-)

Tuesday evening was muy ridiculous. First, this old cow in Ryan's townhouse complex tells me to freaking slow down! All right, so it's not so bad, unless you take into account I was going 5 km/h when the posted speed is 8 km/h and I knew I had to be on the lookout for little trick-or-treaters. She had the nerve to tell me to slow down?! I stopped my car and just stared at her beady little face glaring through my windows. I could just see the cogs turning in her brain, "Ah, stickers on the car, green N sign, they must be hoodlum teenagers!" C-O-W-! Ok, so this mostly bothers me because she caused me to question my driving (which I worry about enough as it is). All right, so then as I'm driving farther away from Ryan's complex (which is rather close to Bateman), some REAL hoodlum teenagers started setting off firecrackers in the middle of the intersection I was in. Boooooo.

Wednesday, I almost got hit by a car that was about to run a stopsign at Ash and George Ferguson Way. Since I've been picking up Ryan from work, I use that road a lot and you would not believe how many people don't think anyone is coming down George Ferguson past Ash. It's unbelievable. This jerk doesn't look, nearly rams into me, and then has the nerve to look at me with disgust at the following intersection! J-E-R-K-! Finally, the last thing in a weeklong weird streak, I was privy to some deplorable human behaviour that I'm pretty sure constitutes emotional abuse. I saw a father bawling out his son for not "communicating" properly. What-ever. Holy crap. He was swearing so much at this 14 year old who was just hanging his head. I couldn't believe someone could be so awful to someone else. I wanted to say something, so desperately. I just wanted to embarass the asshole.

Anyway, all in all, feel awful about the state of the human race and am now going to be late for school. BOOO.

PHOTO: Geeses at Mill Lake.

Defying Gravity!

2006-10-25T11:36:00.000-07:00

I haven't updated in a little mostly due to stress. I had both a Psych mid-term (again!!!) and an English essay due today and for the past week or so I've been freaking out about them. I've just finished the midterm and handed in my essay and I'm feeling much more light-hearted. I think I did ok.

Last weekend was really great. Saturday, Ryan and I went to the Ridge and hung around a few of our old haunts like Bobby Sox, a wonderful 50's diner near his old house. We also went looking at all the music stores in Maple Ridge and Abby for drumheads, drumkeys, and other little things Ryan's gotta get to fix his drumset.

Sunday, I went to church with him at The Bridge which is a recent offshoot of Vineyard. I felt very uncomfortable, as usual, but afterward we went for lunch and spent an hour playing CS at the internet cafe near his new-er house. We got "dominated" on the awp maps, but otherwise we rocked.

There's something wrong with my car, yet again, and I need to figure it out soon. It's driving (no pun intended) me nuts!

Having a party this Saturday, piratically themed! w00t. :) Yo ho yo ho a pirate's life for me! And all that jazz.

PHOTO: Cosmovitral in Toluca. Pretty isn't it?

This song gives me so much strength.

2006-10-12T12:25:00.000-07:00

THE LAST NIGHT
Skillet

You come to me with your scars on your wrist
you tell me this will be the last night feeling like this
I just came to say goodbye
I didn’t want you to see me cry, I’m fine
But I know it’s a lie

This is the last night you’ll spend alone
Look me in the eyes so I know you know
I’m everywhere you want me to be
The last night you’ll spend alone
I’ll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go
I’m everything
You need me to be

your parents say everything is your fault
But they don’t know you like I know you they don't know you at all

I’m so sick of when they say
It's just a phase, you'll be o.k. you're fine
But I know it's a lie

The night is so long when everything’s wrong
If you give me a chance
I will help you hold on
tonight
tonight

I won’t let you say goodbye
And I’ll be your reason why
the last night away from me
away from me

PHOTO: You have no idea how much I hate myself for cutting off his foot.

(stuff)Electrocuted

2006-10-10T14:41:00.000-07:00

So, happy thanksgiving, those few (1, I think) who read my blog.

I had a nice weekend. Took about 3 rolls of film (and strangely enough one was 800 which I found in my bag. I've never bought 800 so...don't know where that came from!) at Westminster Abbey in Mission. I'm hoping to get that developed in a couple days.

My job is really stressing me out. I have an 8 1/2 shift on Thursday that's just been driving me insane with worry these past few days. My first shift was horrible. They put me on cash with no training and no trainer for 8 hours. Nice. >_<

I've done fairly well in all my projects at school, 85 in English, 99 in Spanish, and 88 in Psych. I'm quite pleased with my performance so far. *shrugs*

Skillet's cd still has not arrived at House of James and I'm itching to just download it already! Bah. However this wait has really drawn out the suspense so I'm extra excited. Billy says it's really great so...here's hoping.

It looks at though my brother and my boyfriend may be moving in together. Pretty cool, if you ask me. Halo and LAN parties!!! :)

I find myself missing Mexico so much. It's just this empty space in my heart where something used to be. I can't believe how much I want to go back. I want to recreate and create new memories and see the "friends" I made there, namely my old students.

PHOTO: The cathedral in Centro de Toluca. I have three great shots of it and I want to make a tryptich of sorts but I'm not quite sure how to do it in Photoshop just yet and Paint isn't adequate. Anyway, holy crap I miss Toluca. :'(

I hate... so much about the things that you choose to be.

2006-10-02T15:20:00.000-07:00

Apparently, for me, getting my life together = anxiety.

I got a job the other day. Orientation is Thursday. I honestly don't want this job. I don't want to work. I really don't. I'm lazy, yeah, and I just don't want to do any work...of any kind. School was fine until I had to do work. Dammit. Since when has life = work? That's dumb. I hate life.

Moving on.

Accomplishments:

beat Halo 2 on Legendary.

YES.

I aced my Psych mid-term. Surprise surprise. Had no idea I was going to.

We picked up Ryan's drumkit from his church and are now storing it at my house. I love his church. His pastor is awesome possum.

Oh! New Skillet cd Comatose comes out TOMORROW!!! I've been listening to the single Rebirthing on repeat for many weeks. *griiiiiiiiins*

Also, am thinking of joining MySpace (although it is just a glorified Nexopia) so I can access friends stuff and band goodies. I HATE MySpace, though.

This post has no real substance, I was tired of the piercing one though.

PHOTO: Kids are DUMB. Taken near the skatepark. Nuff said?

P!3rC3d

2006-09-08T09:01:00.000-07:00

Yeah. I forgot to mention I got pierced about 2 weeks ago with Mags. It's just my cartiledge but it's very exciting, isn't it? It hurt. I won't lie. I hurt a lot. But it was momentary and although it's still hurting it's only a dull pain when I bump it.

It's bitchin. Oh yeah.

Tomorrow Ryan, Mom, and I are going to Ikea (omfc, I've missed Ikea like the dickens), and then we're heading straight for Bard on the Beach. Seeing Midsummer Night's Dream. Wooooooot. My favourite play, silly isn't it?

I really need to clean my room. It's ugly.

I need to do some clean up on the compy. Run AVG, remove programs, defrag, blah blah blah. I guess I'll do that today while I'm cleaning. What a Friday!

Take Me Away

2006-09-07T12:52:00.000-07:00

My first week of uni is over. Thursday's have become my Spanish day. Mostly because I *just* realized that all I have on Thursday is a Spanish lab and Spanish 101. Ha ha ha. Psych seems very exciting and English...I think I just might kill myself over. There is nothing more I deplored from high school than the ridiculous essays and theses we had to go through. Hideous and horrible torture.

I have an essay due Monday. How much does that blow? I've been out of school for 2 years, I'm compeletely out of practise.

Last night I bought Another Journal Entry the Expanded Edition by Barlow Girl from House of James. It's pretty good. I'm a little embarassed to say I like them because a) their band name kinda sucks. Es muy cheesy and b) I'm kinda known for liking hardcore punk, ska, and rock, but this is all pop-y and stuff. However, this is the exciting thing about change. I can do it. No matter what my image is.

PHOTO: A tribute to the god that Toluca is named after. Totally forgot the name, however, it means "the one who leans his head". This is near Ryan's flat and not very close to Centro de Toluca.

Splenda-ful

2006-09-03T12:48:00.000-07:00

All right. So the last time I updated this silly little blog was last January? Oh dear. I have much to say. I probably won't say it. I've got so much work backed up right now. I owe my LiveJournal account so many updates it's not even funny. And sad to say, this blog is at the bottom of my priorites. Not that anyone reads it, mind you. Nobody likes the "clean" blog, do they? I think people are simply more fascinated by gore and bloodshed then clean sheets and clean hair.

Yes, I am back from living and working in Toluca, Estado de Mexico. The city is wonderful. Reminds me of my own hometown. Not much in it to draw attention to itself, it's simply a working city. It's about the size of Vancouver but we found our way around. By the last month or so I had become independent enough that I could take taxis and ride the bus alone in a foreign country. I felt amazingly accomplished.

Ryan and I have grown closer and are now looking at the future together (if you catch my drift). It's exciting but nerve-racking. Everything's new again.

My parents came to visit and take me home the last 3 weeks of my stay in Mexico. I did most of my tourism then. Went to Zacango, Taxco, Nevado de Toluca, Cosmovitral, Ixtapan de la Sal, etc. It was rather cool being able to show my parents where I'd been living and working for the past 6 months.

I took many pictures and hopefully someday I will have them all scanned, photoshopped, and up on the internet. For now, however, the most I have are up on deviantART (click the link on your right). Hopefully I can get more scraps up onto Flikr. But for now. I'm busy.

As soon as I got home I began another job at an agenda bindery. It was extremely stressful as I worked 12 hours a day from 6pm to 6am. But it was excellent money. Unfortunately, most of it will go into my car or university.

I'm desperately trying to get back into my old gaming self. However, I'm still sucking at CS and Halo. Therefore, I spend a lot of my time with my Sims. Bwahahha. NERD. Although, I did buy a new game yesterday called Jade Empire. I was searching for a good rpg and the salesman at EB Games highly recommended it. Unfortunately, I'm still highly addicted to The Sims right now. Dilemma!

Also, I've started the Herbal Magic diet. I've been on it a week and so far have lost 5 pounds. I'm pretty happy with it. I had to cut all sugar, all salt, and must stick to a strict low starch, low dairy regime. However, I believe it will be worth it in about 8 months or so when I'm down to the weight I've always wanted. Wish me luck! I'm kinda getting sick of Splenda. >_<

PHOTO: From left to right, my father, my mother (wrapped in Ryan's hoodie!), Ryan, and me. Thank goodness for self-timers on cameras! We wouldn't have any pictures of us all together if there wasn't. This is in the crater of Nevado de Toluca. Cyclists make treks to this mountain just to ride up it. Atheletes around the world come here for training because of the thin air. It was VERY cold in the crater. On the other side of the lake, cattle were drinking and there was even a stray dog that begged for food. I have NO idea how they got there. But strays are everywhere.

Oh si!

2006-01-15T09:26:00.000-08:00

I don't have anything to say really. I'm leaving for Mexico on January 21 and I'll probably be writing all my journal entries in a hugeass notebook I bought. So I don't know how often I'll update this.

I just really got tired of that Christmas one.

PHOTO: Screen capture from M*A*S*H. I don't know why I put it on here. I love that movie.

2005-12-25T01:27:00.000-08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND GOD BLESS YOU ALL!

Gasoline is in my head.

2005-12-17T15:14:00.000-08:00

Going to Seattle tomorrow with Mags and Mom. We'll be there for 2 nights and returning on the 20th. We're going to do some shopping and site seeing and then picking Ryan up at the airport.

Yay!

I want to get my lip pierced when I come home from Mexico. My mom said I could so I'm probably going to. I don't know, though. I might change my mind once I come back, but for right now, yeah, I really want it.

Christmas in a week! I can't believe it. It really seemed to be just a few days ago it was the first Sunday of Advent.

Lots of stuff has been going on and it's a bit hard to update on it all. I'm trying not to stress out about everything I need to get done before going to Mexico and everything that entails going to Mexico and being in there. I'm also a bit nervous about seeing Ryan again. I've changed a lot in the past 4 months that I'm worried he might not like who I am now. Maybe I'm more annoying or something?

I need to get everything going on applying to UCFV as well. I need to fill out the forms and apply for a student loan and give all the paperwork to my mom so she can mail it off when I'm gone.

But right now, I want to forget about it all until after Christmas. I just want to put it off until that's over.

PHOTO: Blurry photo of my mom on the first Sunday of Advent. We were decorating our tree. It was fun.

Music - a list

2005-12-08T00:03:00.000-08:00

I love music. I really do. (bold are the ones I've seen live...not much).

These are the bands/artists I listen to a lot and really enjoy:

Sarah Slean, Weezer, Thousand Foot Krutch, My Chemical Romance, The Used, Less Than Jake, Five Iron Frenzy, Jimmy Eat World, Anberlin, Spoken, Skillet, Billy Talent, The Cranberries, Tool, Matthew Good Band, Moist, Bif Naked, Bush, Goldfinger, Vitas, Tatu, Day of Fire, Disciple, The Shins, Greg Sczebel, Fall Out Boy, Nofx, MxPx, The Cootees, Element 101, Muse, Rage Against the Machine, Audioslave, Jack Johnson, Acceptance, Barlow Girl, Beastie Boys, Blindside, Black Eyed Peas, Counting Crows, Flyleaf, Maroon 5, The Darkness, Queen, Relient K, Sondre Lerche, Dresden Dolls, The Monkees, Boney M.

PHOTO: My Chemical Romance frontman, Gerard Way.

Yay!

2005-11-30T16:32:00.000-08:00

I get to see Ryan in 20 days! Just 20 days! That's it. No more counting in months, now it's just 20 days!

I'm really excited, can't you tell? My mom, Mags, and I are going to Seattle on a mini-vacation and then picking Ryan up from the airport. It's so going to rock. I'll probably just hold him and never let him go...could be a problem though... >_<

So that's on the 20th, then on the 23rd I'm planning a little Christmas party. I want to go skating but it seems as though more than half my friends either can't skate or don't like to skate. Tiresome, since I love it and haven't been for about 3 or 4 years...since my operation. Oh well, getting excited about that too.

I've been walking a lot lately...trying to fit it into my daily routine. It took me an hour to walk to the post office today and yesterday I walked to pick up my mom from school which was uphill and took me 40 min or so. Anyway, I hope I getting fitter.

PHOTO: Self portrait and me trying to be all artistic. I think it looks a little awkward, but I like my bandaid.

Christmas stuff

2005-11-27T22:31:00.000-08:00

It's the first Sunday of Advent. When I was younger, my family would gather around the advent wreath and light a candle, read scripture, and sing some carols. My dad was there because my mom wanted him there, my brothers were there for the fire (both pyromaniacs), and I was there because I love traditions. Now, my father has to be dragged there to sit through it, my brother grumbles the entire time, and my mother and I smile and pretend our family is full of love.

There are times I think my parents are going to get divorced. It used to frighten me as a child, but now, I just worry.

Today, my mother and I set up the tree. I love doing this. I drag the 40 pound artifical Christmas tree box up two flights of stairs, set it up with my ass in the air and my face pressed against the vent in the floor and my fingers frantically trying not to get squished as the heavy top piece slides into the metal tubing. It's my favourite part. We listen to Boney M when we do it too.

Then my mom will put on the lights (because I can't do it and stay symmetrical) and then the beaded garlands. I liked to play with them when I was younger. I'd wrap them around me, make crowns, necklaces, and...nooses. Afterward we had to force my brothers to put their ornaments on the tree (grumbling the entire time) and then mom and I would happily put ours on, pretending the entire time that what my brothers just did didn't hurt us a little. Then comes the tinsle...which I love. It's silver and stringy and a bitch to clean up.

I took an entire roll of photos this year. The lights were just amazing...shining off my mom's glasses and off the sparkly ornaments. I can't wait to get them developed.

Wasting Time

2005-11-12T11:30:00.000-08:00

So yesterday at work, I wasted company time like the dickens. I wrote a really long letter to Libby and used all my available resources (bookstore stickers, sticky envelopes, whiteout, highlighters) to make it look very cool. That took me about an hour and a half...so it was great.

But I get to work all weekend and there's really nothing to do there so...I'm going to be at a loss for what to do.

I'm working both Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve. Luckily, though, it's just until 6 and not later. Otherwise, I would've been pissed. Got big plans for New Year's Eve this year...I mean, I hope they come to fruition.

So after some speculating, it seems as though the family graphics card is going. It's old and the fan is making hilarious noises. It sounds angry and like it's growling at me. Anyway, this means that we will hopefully be buying an uber good one soon....hopefully.

PHOTO: My headboard. Where the tealight holder is usually where my stereo goes, but I moved it during the power outage we'd experienced that night. There's a lot of vodka in that goblet...

Happiness

2005-11-04T21:00:00.000-08:00

This is my "clean" blog. I don't think anyone reads it, but it's the link I give out when people ask to see my blog. There's no swearing, some pretty pictures, and I keep the moping to a minimum.

I've been put on Effexor. I've only been taking it for 2 days but I've been feeling some of the side effects: nausea, loss of appetite (which is in my case, good), sleeplessness and sleepiness, and I'm pretty dizzy. My doctor said it would take about 2 weeks before I'd notice a change, so...here's hoping.

It's only 9:00pm but I can barely keep my eyes open. 46 days until Ryan comes back for Christmas!

Lately I've been listening to more angry music, especially The Used, My Chemical Romance, Tool, and Billy Talent. I don't know what changed, but I'm fine with it.

I'm painting my room "Souvenir" tomorrow. Should be nice hardwork. Man, I'm tired.

PHOTO: Thought I'd do something different. That's a self-portrait and I used the note paper filter in Photoshop to make it look so freaking cool. Good stuff, good stuff.

Jobs

2005-10-28T21:17:00.000-07:00

I got the job at Mag's work, but I quit about 4 days later because it really wasn't for me. I'm kind of lazy like that and I often don't like to give things a try because I'm scared. I'm a scaredy-cat and a lazyass, so sue me.

Anyway, lately there have been numerous car buying opportunities for me but the cars have been snatched up before I could test drive them. Kind of sad as I desperately want a car of my own.

I went to InXtreme last wednesday with Mags. I liked it...it made me feel very nostalgic and all that good warm yummy jazz. Unfortunately I knew some people there. This guy I used to have a major crush on and I'm sure he knew it too, was there, as well as a few girls from school and a guy I knew from my old youth. I wish I knew more of the songs that were played and the only reason I knew half of them was because I'd gone to Ryan's church and sung them there. The sound was good and the lighting and the atmosphere. I felt very welcomed, but not pressured. It was nice. I hope to go again without Mags. Scratch that, I hope to have enough courage to go again without Mags.

I had a good day at work, for once, except I found out some things about my supervisor that changed my mind about her...and not in a good way.

I can't wait for Christmas. It's going to be so amazing this year.

PHOTO: Took this in Victoria, British Columbia about 2 years ago. I was in the school senior band and we toured the island in about 4 or 5 days, I can't really remember. It was a pretty good trip, but I was anxious for most of it. Anyway, I liked this photo a lot, except it's pretty boring.

Car Accidents and Tears

2005-10-19T17:41:00.000-07:00

I was going to go to InXtreme tonight but Mags totalled her car on the freeway and is quite obviously shaken up about it and doesn't want to go out tonight. So I'm not going to go. I'm too much of a wuss and way too shy to go on my own. Perhaps next week? Sounds good.

Last week Tuesday, I talked to Ryan for almost an hour and a half. It felt really good. It felt really good to hear his voice. I think I may try to phone him tonight. Just a short chat or something.

I ran into his father at the mall today. Ha ha. That was the longest I've ever talked to him before. Here I was thinking Ryan called his family a lot...turns out not so much. His father didn't know very much at all and I had to fill him in. It was embarassing. I wish Ryan had told him more.

I've been reading some really good books lately that have helped me understand my problems. I've been crying a lot as a result. I hope I figure things out. I want to be normal for Ryan. I mean, I want to who I am really...yeah, I want to be that for him. He doesn't deserve headcase gf. Nope, not at all.

I bought Bedouin Soundclash's Sounding a Mosaic today. It's awesome possum. My mom even likes it...

I applied at Mags' work today and talked to the district manager of this particularly chain of resteraunts. She told me to come in tomorrow around 10.

Suddenly, I feel very tired.

PHOTO: I took this in Ryan's hometown right by the trainstation on the wharf. That has to be one of my favourite spots. I miss that place a lot. I remember the day I took this, it was raining...but only a little bit. There was this poster nailed to a little information building on the wharf, it was a list of jazz performances during the summer. Summer seemed so far away when we were reading that. I cannot wait until Ryan is home for good. I have my licence and will have a car, the possibilities for adventure are endless.

Calling Card

2005-10-09T20:53:00.000-07:00

I spoke with my cousin, Libby, tonight who's in Japan. It was really cool, actually. Very clear and just wonderful to talk with her. Turns out that you can get about 280 min. for $20 at Wal-Mart. I don't really know how it works. Like, do I need one for Japan specifically or is it universally international. If it is that, I'm totally getting one so I can call Mexico as well. It would be so awesome to hear Ryan's voice.

Unfortunately the last time I emailed Ryan and asked for his phone number in Toluca, he didn't answer because he didn't have time. He just had time to say a quick "I love you" and that he's doing fine. I was more than a bit worried, so it was good to hear that.

I don't know what else to say. I don't seem to be updating this blog much. Not that anyone checks it. Har har har...honestly.

I downloaded the entire first season of Scrubs last week and I've finished watching all the episodes already. It took me nearly a week to download it so...season 2 is going to be a while.

I'm glad my favourite tv shows have come back. During the summer, because nothing was on, my boyfriend was in Mexico, and I could only hang out with my friend's so much, I basically played on the computer all of August. *nerd* Now, with Veronica Mars, Desperate Housewives, Gilmore Girls, and Everwood all back...I've got stuff to do! Woooooot.

(oh yeah, I'm getting much better at CS too. Today, I was actually in the black with my score...pretty rad taffy, if you ask me)

PHOTO: My first ever attempt at using the "multiple exposures on a single frame" option on my camera. I'm quite pleased with the result. Cropped and added a huge ass border to it that I think should really be trimmed but I really don't have the time/motivation to do it.

Still I Wish I Was By Your Side

2005-09-26T13:30:00.000-07:00

California - Sarah Slean

I'm looking for another job and have an interview on Thursday for this small bookstore in the mall. I'm pretty excited but also nervous...obviously. Mags said nerves are good, they keep you on your toes. So I guess I'm pretty set. I'm going to be on my tippy toes and I might even break a few.

I'm going to Warriors Unleashed, this Christian conferance thing. I'm a little wary because I don't know what to expect.

I'm also really into Through Painted Deserts by Donald Miller. It's a good book, well written, thoughtprovoking and thoughtful, and there's humour too. Oh, did I mention there's a VW in it? Yeah, that's another reason I like it.

I saw the sweetest Jetta today while I was walking around downtown. Slick black, boxy (I hate "bubble" cars...the one's with smooth edges. Bleck), shiny, and the sunroof was propped open. I don't know what year it was...but it was nice. I think the driver thought I was checking him out, though. I should be more careful where my eyes go...

PHOTO: I love Photoshop. The was taken one evening near Mags' house. Beautiful sunset that I "enhanced" in photoshop. Brought out the colours more, enriched the tones....that jazz. I love this photo because of the silhouettes and the rule of thirds action. It's a cliché photo...everyone does sunsets, but I really like this.

Ryan

2005-09-22T13:09:00.000-07:00

My mom said I don't talk about you very much.
It hurts too much.
It hurts like hell.
It's too embarassing.
I'm incredibly weak.
I let a part of me be taken.
I was independent once.
I relied on no one.
(not even God)
Thank you for changing that.
Even though this hurts like hell.

I had a dream you were back.

Giving up

2005-09-18T13:00:00.000-07:00

Yup. Just as the title says. I'm about this close to giving up on Mexico. I haven't heard anything. No one is doing anything. I mean, it's no one's fault. I just don't think it's going to happen at all. I need to move on with my life. I've been sitting and waiting around for a month. I'm wasting my time, I think. I need to look for full time employment and start researching education options.

What hurts the most, is how wrong I was. I mean, how could I be so off about Mexico? I thought God was calling me there. I honestly did. Did I give up? Did God? What happened? I can't help thinking that because I didn't give up something I've been trying to give up, God closed the door. I'm hoping the window he opens is a new job...a new satisfying job.

I had to say goodbye to one of my best friends and cousin, Libby, last Tuesday. She left for Japan to study for about 10 months. Libby is one of the most inspirational people I know. She's so charismatic and so original, I really do look up to her. She says she looks up to me, too. It's nice to know it's reciprocated. Libby is the only girl I can play video games with and be equally matched. Halo, Goldeneye, Mario Party. All of them. We're pretty much equal, except sometimes...I lose more often. Weird, I really miss Street Fighter. She was Cami, I Chun-Li (or Sakura, depending on the version). Good times good times. I'm going to miss her.

PHOTO: Lib 2005. Before we went on a little photo trip. Funny, we never ended up taking pictures.

Counter-Strike 1.6

2005-09-12T00:15:00.000-07:00

I'm addicted to CS. I cannot believe it.

Years ago (2?), Jeremy tried to get me to play. He said, "You'll like it. It's just like Goldeneye. It's a First Person Shooter." He said it like I was utterly daft and didn't know what a FPS was. Hmph. Anyway, I tried it twice. I didn't like playing an FPS on the computer. I wasn't used to the controls. It was so wrong to use both the mouse and keyboard. I was used to Playstation or N64 controllers. This was utterly WHACKED.

Flash forward a few years (2?), Ryan and Billy go to an internet cafè to play a LAN game for a few hours. I was not going to sit around and watch for those "few hours" and plus, someone paid for me. So here I am. Complete and total noob to the internet café experience and total computer loser. I mean, I know a few things as Jeremy has told me lots and I'm partially self-taught. But man, this was just weird...being in a room full of so many Asian nerds. Well, they weren't all Asian. But the majority...

I sucked. Man, did I SUCK. It was like spawn, headshot, dead, observe. That was the cycle I went through. After a while, I started to loosen up. I started to enjoy it. I even managed to frag a few people.

Now that Ryan is in Mexico and my work hours have been greatly lessened by my supervisor. I've been practising my CS skillz for hours on end. Yes, I do realize how much of a loser this makes me. But I'm really really enjoying playing online now. I know what I'm doing, sort of, and I no longer feel like such a complete nub.

Hello, my name is Kristall, and I'm a CS-aholic. It's been half an hour since my last fix. My wallpaper is CS and I dream CS. I feel extremely sheepish. Jeremy was so right. I will try and keep my obsession to a minimum, however. I don't think I should branch out into HL, DOD, or BF. I don't have the money or skillz, just yet.

PHOTO: I went through some of my old photos that I'd taken with my Kodak Advantix. I found this one completely at random. It just fell out of a stack. This is Jeremy January 4 2003, in the room I hope to be moving into sans beer cans, Tragically Hip poster, and horrid curtains. Can you see what he's playing? He's been at it a while. I love my brothers, but Jeremy is such a dork, he used that headset religously...even at 2:00 in the morning, I could hear him "nice shot. ha ha. behind you." I think he's in the corridor in de_aztec.

Passport Madness

2005-09-07T11:50:00.000-07:00

So still two people who I need to talk to each other, have not talked to each other. It's been more than a week. I'm no longer nervous about it because I understand, I think, that God wants me to wait. I don't know why, but He does. So I've got to accept that, as difficult as it is.

I got my passport last Friday. I left for the post office at 3:30. There were two people working there that didn't have a clue what they were doing. I had to be at work at 4. Several screwed up money orders later, I got my package at 3:59. It takes me 12 minutes to get to my work from that post office. I was 20 min. late for work because traffic was bad. I was a bit on the...how should I say this?, freaking out side. I cannot stand being late. I get nervous and scatterbrained and and...I begin to hyperventilate. I hate being late. I HATE BEING LATE.

Soooo anyway. The Thousand Foot Krutch concert rocked. Manafest, Nifty, Gaetz Ave., and Stereotap (sp?) played as well. But it was pretty obvious everyone was there for TFK.

I took a bunch of photos the other day. I will probably use a few to decorate this blog as soon as I get them developed and scanned. Ahhh scanned. That reminds me. I need to clean our scanner. It's such a mess.

PHOTOS: Both pictures are the same. I just manipulated the bottom one to make it presentable. I love Photoshop! I should probably watermark them to be safe, but I honestly don't think they're good enough to be ripped off. Which do you think is better?

Calm, Cool, Cucumber

2005-09-01T00:01:00.000-07:00

I haven't been eating lately. I miss Ryan and food reminds me of him. I don't know if that's a good thing or not. On a side note, I have been walking more and eating lots of cucumbers. That must be good.
I still haven't received my passport. I'm a bit disappointed. I like knowing I've got one. They're so official.

Toluca is beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.

Sleeeeeeeeeeep.

2005-08-29T00:47:00.000-07:00

I made this.

I get my passport tomorrow.
Thousand Foot Krutch in one week!
I can't seem to sleep.

I'm going to try again.

Email from Ryan

2005-08-25T10:11:00.000-07:00

So I got an answer to a few of my questions from Ryan. Still, the most important stuff is unanswered but this email really set me at ease about the whole thing. I've copied and pasted it:

Hey I cant answer all your questions yet but I can answer a few. Teaching - Basically all the students work at whats called an office. Its like alittle desk with dividers. They work in little booklets that dont need much explenation for them to work. If they have a question they have a flag that they put up where the teachers can see it. Then us the teachers go over and answer that quesitons if we can. Usually its can I go score my pace. The ¨Pace¨ is what the workbooks are called. They mark them themselves. We mark the test that comes at the end of each Pace. So basically what I do and what you will be doing is walked around a classroom of kids answering questions. I met the people you will be staying with. They have a kid in teh school. Shes really nice and speaks english. Her mom speaks english 2 and is really nice. I havent met the dad yet. I didnt get an email cuz I wasnt expecting to meet her today. She told me though that her house is your house as soon as you get here. I dont know about going home for christmas that all depends on whether I can get a work visa to stay in the country. If I can stay I think I will. I am getting more comfortable here and now that I´m working days go by faster. I´ll email you my flight number and stuff next email hopfully with a few more answers. The jacket just to let you know can be a sports jakcet or a blazer there not really picky with the teaches. Yes black pants and a dress shirt must be worn Monday Wednesday and Friday. On Tuesday and Thursday we can wear jeans. Your dress shirts dont all have to be white but they should be dress shirts. Anyways I should go to bed. I´ll talk to you later

Hee hee. My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen, the grammar viking! (as in rapes and pillages the English language...lol...love him to death).

Meh

2005-08-20T21:57:00.000-07:00

Well, another week has passed and no progress has been made. I don't know what to do and it's getting very frustrating. I had a long post about this but my computer spazzed and left me with nothing. Lots of metaphors and allegories and general poeticness. In short, I feel like an extremely horny celibate about this Mexico thing. I can't plan without more information! This lack of progress is making me very nervous.

I told my supervisor that there was the possibility of my leaving for Mexico during the first week of September. I said, "possibility" not "I am going then. Good bye". She has not given me 1 single hour that week. I don't like my supervisor all that much. She's kind of a cow.

I've done nothing all week besides work and go online. My life is extremely boring. I have no Ryan to fill up the time and it's gotten very weird. I'm reverting back into loner Kristall...

PHOTO: Oh...just to jazz things up I've neglected to put up a super artistic picture and opted, instead, for something a little "Shaun of the Dead". Mhmmm, that's right. I love zombies. I like comedy. I like the Britons. This is a wonderful gift to the movie world.

Rodin & Rant

2005-08-15T19:03:00.000-07:00

The passport office was ideally situated to be missed and the Government of Canada sign was hidden behind much foliage. Nonetheless, it was found and after an hour wait, I finally submitted my application.
Realizing we weren't in Surrey everyday and were already halfway to Vancouver, my mother and I decided to see Rodin's art at the Vancouver Art Gallery. The passport office is right by the Gateway Skytrain station, so we took that into the heart of the city. There, I proceeded to lead my mother astray by walking away from Hornby St. Ha ha ha.

Rodin was a bit of a disappointment. We saw The Kiss, The Thinker, and some other noteworthy sculptures but I believe it was the gallery setting itself that detracted from the pleasure of it. There was so much just stuffed into these few rooms that I found my appreciation of this beautiful and amazing art, much depleted.
Upstairs, my mother and I visited the modern art galleries. WOW. It was fantastic! I had a much more pleasurable experience. It was simple but big and very colourful. Franz West was a tad boring but Wang Du Parade was great. His stuff was poignant, BIG, and colourful and very very entertaining. If you get the chance, and don't mind paying the $15 admission charge, definitely check this guy out. (Enter! is the one pictured above)

And finally, we come to section of this blog that I've reserved for ranting. There is no type of girl that gets more on my nerves than the Male-Haters. These girls are easily recognizable as the ones with the heinous and incredibly ugly skin-tight shirts that read, "Boys Suck". These words are of course embellished with butterflies, sparkles, and sequins and are emblazoned across the bust. Ladies, ladies, ladies. Men are our counterparts! We would not be here without them. They make up half the world and insulting them by wearing such a t-shirt is ridiculous. Boys do not suck. If boys suck so much, why don't they wear shirts that say "Girls Suck"? On the Skytrain home today, I saw a t-shirt that made my stomach turn, "Guys make GREAT accessories". Excuse me? Lowering guys to the level of something you'd buy at Ardene's or Claire's, is inhumane. I won't go so far as to compare this to say the Khmer Rouge in Cambodia, but it is along the same lines. Once you begin to see the male sex as objects, rather than human beings that God created in love, you fail to treat them as human beings. Even if it is a joke, it's a poor one that I do not laugh at.

Enough of the rant. I think I got my point across.

Mexico

2005-08-14T19:50:00.000-07:00

Despite not knowing a word of Spanish, being very introverted and unadventurous, it looks as though God is calling me to Toluca. I figured if it's supposed to happen God will have everything fall into place and there will be a supreme lack of obstacles. And yes, everything has gone very smoothly. The pastor & family that my boyfriend is staying with has found me a place to stay and a job teaching ESL at Collego Martin Luther King. I am provided for there, which makes me happy and the only opposition that I've faced is from up here.

I'm excited and I thought I'd be really nervous, but I'm not all that much. There's a really nice peace within me because I know I'm doing what God wants me to do and I'm not just stuck working part-time for a company I despise with nothing else to do but sit and fool around on the internet.

Good things about going to Mexico:

Starting afresh
Will most likely become much healthier
No worrying about family problems, friend problems, & hatred of job
Will be making a difference in somebody's life
Might learn a third language (actually, it should be 2nd and a half because I don't really know French anymore)
Will gain such wonderful spiritual and earthly experience
Grow closer to God
Will see Ryan with much more frequency than if he were in Mexico and I in Canada.
Will be removed from most American media

I don't know if I'm supposed to be a missionary. I don't think I am. But I think, doing this ESL and helping the church down there, is something I can do. Something I can use my gifts for.

Money

2005-08-13T16:35:00.000-07:00

I always thought I was good with money...but now that I've actually got it, I'm not.

I bought two clothing items today totalling $60. Granted, the sweater was just the right colour for me and perfect in every way and I really did need a new belt, I probably shouldn't have bought them. I loathe having debts of any sort and I still owe my parents $100. I also have to think of plane tickets, luggage, "essential" clothing, and other stuff.

Went to the bank today...I will have enough for a plane ticket, if I don't spend it all.

List of stuff I want/need rather badly but must not buy it all at once:

TFK - Phenomenon & The Art of Breaking
Greg Sczebel
Hot Hot Heat
Audioslave
New Bible
Shorts/Capris
Jeans
T-shirts I actually like
Billy's gift
Carrie's gift
Mags' gas money that I will give her in form of TFK tickets! ^_^
Developement of film

PHOTO: Fooling around with the image layout... Those are my mom's tulips that I've photoshopped, cropped and basically tried to salvage from a crappy photo. I think I did a good job.